During
the course of my personal healing journey, and while working with
others, I have become aware of a rather common phenomenon. The
behavior appears to result when a child is surrounded by danger such
as chaos and abuse in the home. I call this behavior “Inordinate
Empathy.”
Inordinate Empathy
Our
ability to sense the well-being or distress of those around us as
well as our ability to monitor the health of the spiritual
atmosphere are God-given and built into our design.
... We naturally sense the well-being or distress of those
around us.
...
We naturally monitor the health of the spiritual atmosphere.
These are good abilities in themselves. My guess is that, as we
mature, we learn to use our empathy to become one with others and
our discernment to counter the enemy. But because of atmospheric sin
and the presence of the evil one, what is good becomes twisted.
Here is how it works: the child is aware that he is at risk in
his environment and, thus, he uses his empathic and discernment
abilities to monitor how everyone is doing. In my childhood home,
there was chaos and abuse. Imminent danger loomed. I automatically
used my empathy and discernment to constantly scan the situation in
order to plan how I was going to keep myself safe.
Here’s what I tried to figure out: Who was unhappy? Who was
angry? What was lurking in the atmosphere that wanted to get me? How
should I respond? Should I hide? Run away? Disappear inside myself?
Intervene in a fight? Cheer someone up? Resign myself to the
inevitable?
My discernment and empathy circuits remained on high alert and
that became normal to me. Only it is not normal to be anxiously
scanning and planning for fear that something bad is about to
happen.
...
It became normal to constantly and anxiously scan and plan.
...
Anxious monitoring is an attempt to keep yourself safe.
As an
adult I found myself continuing this learned behavior even in safe
environments. I honestly and deeply believed that I had to keep
everyone happy in order to be safe. This made me a very anxious and
controlling person. Of course, I had no idea why I acted the way I
did. The reason was buried in my heart.
Now that is one response a child makes to a chaotic and
dangerous environment. The child’s empathy and discernment becomes
seriously overdeveloped. The child cannot rest or mature because all
of her energies are directed to maintaining her safety. This problem
is one that I often see in prayer ministry.
There is another response that I rarely see in prayer ministry
because people who respond in the following way are not as likely to
seek prayer ministry or, if they do, they are more likely to give up
quickly. These are the children who either turn off their
discernment and empathy or turn the volume very low. It hurts too
much to feel what other people feel; it is too frightening to
discern atmospheric evil, so they just won’t. As adults these people
may become Christians but they cannot, will not, become corporate.
They will not share another person’s pain and burden. They cannot
believe that spiritual realities may be discerned with the senses.
...
Some children become overly empathic and discerning.
...
Some children turn off their empathic and discernment abilities.
Either
response is very satisfying to the enemy as it renders the person
either vulnerable to being overwhelmed by spiritual realities and
the need to manage the emotional well-being of other people or
essentially deaf and blind to the same.
Prayer: Lord God, Creator
of Heaven and Earth, forgive me for misusing the ability to
empathize and discern. I ask You to restore that which has been
broken and defiled. Forgive me for turning off these abilities in an
effort to stop the hurting or turning them on high to protect
myself. Please show me if I really do need to be spiritually and
emotionally deaf and blind or on constant high alert to be safe.
Forgive me for believing that I have the power and the
responsibility to manage myself, others and the environment at a
time when I was so young and vulnerable. I break the promise I made
to use these means to keep myself safe, and I send all evil helpers
to the feet of Jesus for judgment.
Lord, if I have turned the volume of my empathy and discernment to
maximum, please turn it down to the correct level. If I have turned
it off or to low, please adjust the volume for me. Thank You. I
praise You and I praise Your wonderful Son, Jesus Christ.
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