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I asked the
Lord where to start this insight and He said to start at the
beginning. I asked him where did it begin and He said with the Wii.
So this all started when I purchased WiiFit for the Wii game
console.
Like many of us I have a love/hate relationship with exercise. I
have belonged to gyms to Curves to the YMCA. I have exercised with
exercise videos, with a home treadmill, a stair stepper and some
other piece of equipment that I forget the name of.
Each commitment to exercise begins with enthusiasm and ends with
canceled memberships and a yard sale.
I don’t even want to talk about all the diets I have started. Now, I
don’t have a serious weight problem. But I’m getting older, and I’m
putting on some pounds. If I don’t work at it, I will have a serious
weight problem.
Here is where the Wii comes in. I bought the game console for my
son, hoping that he and I would play the sports games together. And
we do play together sometimes, which he loves. And he has become an
amazing Wii bowler. But then I got the bright idea that I would buy
WiiFit for myself. I told myself that this would be a fun way
to exercise. When it’s rainy or too cold or hot, I would work out
with the Wii instead of walking outside.
I fell in love with the WiiFit! I exercised faithfully for
one week, then went on a ministry trip to Alliance, Nebraska, for a
week. Came back, fired up the Wii and did a body check. I had gained
a little weight. I did the balance test and I failed it. Guess what
the WiiFit program did? It insulted me! Asked me if I tripped
over my own feet a lot. I was soooo enraged! How dare that stupid
machine insult me! It sounded just like my mother!
I raged around like this, hating WiiFit, eating heavily and
poorly and unable to take my daily walk for about a week before I
really came to grips with the fact that I was triggered. I put on my
prayer minister’s hat (finally) and took a closer look. I realized
that over the years I have consistently sabotaged my diet and
exercise efforts. This pattern and this much anger had to be coming
from unresolved childhood pain, maybe even (since it was so strong)
from an inner child.
It’s Not What You Think
Now, it appeared to me that my problem was with my mother’s
criticism of my physical appearance. She was very critical. I did
believe that her love was conditional and the condition was
thinness. If I was sufficiently thin, then she approved of me. If
not, I was criticized. This is historical fact.
So I thought I was dealing with an angry inner child who was
triggered when the WiiFit insulted me. So, taking a leap of
faith, I addressed that inner child. I said, “Hunny, you and me are
going for a walk and I want you to tell me your story.”
In another words, I consciously and intentionally tapped into the
part of me that was hurt from all the criticism.
So while I walked I became aware of anger, embodied as a child. I
agreed with the child that she had much to be angry about and
invited the Lord to join me in my anger and as I worked with this
part of my heart I found that walking became easier. I asked the
Lord to pay any debt that my mother owed me for not accepting me and
loving me without conditions, and I released her from her debt.
Pretty much standard stuff. And I felt better.
That Sneaky Little Inner Vow
The next morning, in the room of revelation (the shower), the Lord
brought a memory to my awareness. Here it is: My father has called
me into my parent’s bedroom and he is brushing my hair. I am about 6
years old. He is not molesting me in the physical, but in the
spiritual he is certainly molesting me. I had to ask my human spirit
exactly the words he used, because I could not recall them with my
soul. He said to me: I love you as more than a daughter.
To my child’s heart love now equaled being molested. So, I
immediately vowed to “not be loved.”
What does that have to do with exercise and diet? Well, as you
recall, I believed that my mother loved me when I was thin. So any
effort on my part to control or lose weight triggered my vow to not
be loved. If I stayed just a little overweight then my mother would
not love me and I would not be molested.
The anger was simply a protector part. She kept me from being
molested by keeping me unlovable. In this case, she kept me
underexercised and overfed. Gee. Thanks.
The bedroom, hair-brushing memory was not new. I had done healing
work there before, but I had not connected with the “I will not be
loved” inner vow before. It took the Wii incident for that vow to
surface.
Here’s how I handled the vow, once I became aware of it. I broke the
vow verbally by saying, “I break the vow I took to not be loved and
I send all evil enforcers to the feet of Jesus for judgment.” Then I
asked the Lord to forgive me for believing the lie that love equals
molestation. This is simple legal work that disempowers the enemy.
Healing work requires me to ask the child who made the vow to tell
me her story. In this case, there was no child. That healing work
had been done sometime ago.
But the vow I had taken remained in place, and active, long after I
had healed from the abuse.
I’m Not The Only One
Shortly after the Lord revealed my inner vow to me, I was praying
with a woman who is a devoted Christian, but who does not “feel”
love. When I asked her what happened when she is loved, she replied
that “love is pain.” As we worked together, we learned that her
family had a generationally empowered belief that love equaled pain,
therefore they would not love or be loved. Into this atmosphere, she
was born. When her human spirit told her, at about age two, that she
was meant to be loved, she rejected her spirit, saying in her heart
that it was obvious that she was not worthy of love, because no one
loved her. Therefore, her human spirit was stupid and she vowed not
to listen to her spirit. To trigger this inner vow, all I had to do
was engage with her spirit and ask a question. Whoa ... did that get
an emotional response!
What Do You Believe About Love?
Ask yourself this question. What happens when I love? Or when I am
loved? Then listen for what you “feel.” Our heart-level beliefs
determine how we perceive reality. Ask the Lord to show you what is
in your heart concerning love.
Bless you and many smiles today!
Sue Bowman and The Pool Ministries.
For prayer ministry, call 205.535.6064
The following audio teachings are available from The Pool.
Healing Strategies for the Heart,
Soul and Spirit
Ever stood in a highway medium cussing God because your ancient
Volkswagen Beetle just broke down on the way to the shop? I have.
Then the shop’s tow truck happened to pass by. It backed up, hooked
up my little bug and towed it for free! How embarrassing.
This teaching series will help you understand how the human heart
and soul break down, how the human spirit is disempowered by lies
and vows and how God heals this mess.
The Human Spirit’s Role in Prayer
Ministry
Let’s get this show on the road! That’s what one human spirit told
me after I had blessed it. Tired of being blessed, this person’s
spirit expressed that it wasn’t the problem. The soul and heart had
lies and vows in place that were preventing the spirit from
functioning. And ... the spirit knew what they were! From
generationally empowered bondage to childhood hurts, the human
spirit is proving to be a powerful resource for inner healing. |
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